Epiphany?

What do you do when you come back from work, feeling all worked up and annoyed because say, the boss decides to give you a hard time at work; or you feel like you had a "KICK ME" sign stuck on your back the whole day that customers give you a hard time? I know I had to get myself to get out of the house and start running/walking today when I was terribly livid with my boss, only for him to exert his authority on me (you're the employer and I am the boss) to get the anger, the frustration, and most of all the disappointments in people out of my system (turned out to be a fitness challenge at the same time, given that I have not done this in a long time). But what happens when you seem to face this kind of day on a regular basis? Do you just run away from it all all the time, literally? I decided to write this out in the blog to get this out of my head and at the same time revive my very abandoned blog, and if I could sit and rant and rave about my life being a pharmacist where I am, it would be here.

I work in a pharmacy in a little town called Mornington. What I love about working there is that the people are lovely (well for every one that truly is nice to you, there will be one that has to spit venom on you for not doing something trivial like closing one door of the pharmacy before closing time), but most of all the staff who have been absolute gems. My biggest issue working in the pharmacy as we speak, is the boss. I shall call my boss T. T may be the nicest and the loveliest pharmacist to his customers, but he is completely different to his staff, and I am not excepted. Just today I noticed that he left a pile of prescriptions by the computer which I decided I should have a look at and be nosy, given my curiosities earlier in the day. Turns out they were prescriptions that were processed a week ago, and they were left unorganized. I went berserk - Those prescriptions that we treasure as "money" to the pharmacy were in a previous dispatch that had obviously was sent without these prescriptions, and secondly, they were prescriptions that nursing homes required for filling. Had it been me, I would have my head on the chopping block already. And I could even imagine T saying to me "... you gotta be mindful that the claim is worth thousands of dollars, and the scripts are just sitting there..." . Immediately I became annoyed at the fact that because of my boss's lack of competency in this situation, I questioned why the scripts were not filed, and why were they there, and I used back the same phrases on him. T tells me he does not appreciate me saying those things, and blames it on the pharmacy accreditation that he's been busy with. So what, there's double standards now?? For something that I would have had the worse shit from him had I done so, but for him, he was busy doing something else? It's times like these when such situations happen, it triggers a lot of emotions in me, and for once when I thought I had given him a piece of my mind, it backfires. Because at the end of the day, I'm just the damn worker who gets a wage, and T is the boss who earns all the money and doesn't give a shit about you. Which was why I decided that I had to do a bit of running, or some form of exercise to rid myself of this frustration. Truth is, when I came back, I think I still felt the same. The slight difference is that I don't feel that pent up as I would have. So I guess the running helped somewhat. But what happens on a day that I can't walk to the beach or run - say it's raining or I've become paralyzed waist down? I shall decide when the day comes. For now, it's to move on to Step 2: what should I do to get myself out of this pharmacy, and into the same pharmacy with the same workload; but with better management, and a boss who's more competent than T? I foolishly SMSed my ex-preceptor, M, to see if she had any news about vacancies, but there's no reply so far. Chances are her number has changed, or she's probably finding the idea of her ex-trainee looking for her for favours is revolting. I decided on the latter. So for now, I'm still stuck at my pharmacy, having to look at T's face for the next few months until another epiphany comes along and I give myself another shot again at finding another place to work. This is compounded by the fact that Wooi Lynn is having her dilemma of accepting a hospital pharmacist position in Traralgon should she be successful. That would mean a difficult few months in finding another place to live, on my own, once again. Sigh. It really isn't a good day for me. I guess I'm finding myself accustomed to living with a house mate, who is at the same time a friend too. To live alone again, it's all odd now. But it has to be done, and so I have to anticipate it until she comes up with her decision. If only I was half as visionary as she is, I probably wouldn't be in this rut now.

Note to self: know your boss well before taking up the job.

Restless

I finally got myself to do something to occupy myself during this period of time. My mind is filled with nothing but muses of what is there to do at work, which customer happens to be taking what medication (weirdly enough, if I see them on the street, I could make a good guess as to what they are taking), and the neverending complaints and politics of the pharmacy. The effect is multiplied and compounded with having Wooi Lynn as a colleage when she shares the same sentiments as you do. Anyway... I decided to download a heap of movies, and one of them was the highly talked about "Twilight". Turns out it was a love story between a human and a vampire, as for the movie, it felt choppy to me in parts. Later on I found out that it was an adaptation from a novel, and so I got on to it. Little did I realise that I missed out so much about the story, had I just watched the movie. It definitely is always a big disappointment when you read the book, only to find that they try to condense a five-hundred page novel into an hour and a half.

The book to me brings about so much intensity and draws the reader's attention to what this story portrays. There was so much about teenage angst and sexual tension between the both of them that you could feel. After reading it, I realised that there were a couple more books about it, and I didn't know if I should continue on. Apparently the other books were not that well-received, and I didn't do myself any favours by reading the synopsis of what the other books were about. So the dilemma now is whether I should read the other books. But otherwise, a fair attempt.

I've been feeling quite restless lately. I'm surprised that I've mellowed with the hype of the Nintendo Wii, given that there aren't many new games to really follow up with. The newest game to be on the market, Street Fighter IV, which happens to be something I would love to play, does not exist on the Nintendo Wii platform! So that is definitely off-limits to me. Sigh. The one thing that I am looking forward to is to watch the Oscar-winning "Slumdog Millionaire". Whilst I wait for that, I'm still in pursuit of a new place to live. Wooi Lynn and I are earnestly looking for a dream place to live in after some of the dreadful things that have happened while we're in there (ants, crazy druggie neighbour, bitchy landlady who refuses to fix shower), and to be given more news today that they are intending to increase the rent by forty dollars. So we are definitely looking out now. If only I could really have some time off work to take my mind off the craziness that's going on, that would be swell. Oh well... time for bed!

Waiting Again

After having such a long hiatus from blogging, I decided to come back to writing out my muses. This time, it's because of a very disappointing reason. When I found out that I had first failed my exams back in October, I felt that the world has just crashed down on me. I felt I have let down everybody, and that included my family, Maria, and my boss. I told myself I would not do the same mistake again when I had another chance in February to redeem myself. Once again, I had to find myself at the same spot where I was three months ago - finding out that I had failed my exam, again, a week before I should have been officially notified. This time, the tears flow every now and then, but not continuously. Still the feelings are all the same. I felt I have let down my family, Maria, and my boss. I had to go through three months of hell of not being able to identify myself as a pharmacist to the public, and I have to find myself doing this again for the next couple of months. My mind is blank. I don't know how to break the news to my family. I don't know how to face my boss and say that I have failed again. I don't know how to look at the other workmates who have hoped that I would triumph the second time around and say that, it didn't work out again. It is fear. Yet it still has to be done, which hurts so bad. I could only look at myself and say that I was stupid for not performing the best of my abilities. I could find all the excuses in the world, but it would not stop me from thinking of how careless I was during the exams. This world is so real, sometimes you want to pinch yourself back into dreamland, to avoid the heartaches.

I have to brace myself for what would be the near future - and another four months waiting again for the right moment to shine. Third time's a charm? Gosh, this is so, so hard.

Down

I'm glad to have the weekend at home... have been feeling down recently with a lot going on at the moment. It's close to six weeks since I haven't been able to shower in my own home. It has got to the point where I cannot take anymore. I just want to shout at those people responsible for my shower. I want to yell at them, be rude to them, shout profanities at them, the lot. It's been so frustrating to find out that the contractor chose to replace the broken broom that I've got instead of giving me back the money as was agreed previously. I'm definitely going to give him a good grilling. This has got to stop. I've been bullied for the past few weeks, and I've got no where to turn to already. Sometimes you just want to think that they would actually take plight on my situation, yet they seem so cruel, inconsiderate bastards. The neighbour has been asking questions on whether the shower is being fixed very so often now, that it makes me feel uncomfortable thinking that I'm no longer welcomed to shower at their place. Who wouldn't, if you see my face for the past six weeks like this.

If that's not enough, the oral exam is very close. After this week's seminar, it finally dawned upon me that I'm not so confident as I thought I was. There is still so much that I do not know, and that makes me doubtful of myself. I'm trying my best to juggle work, and being able to sit down and study. Focus is not my thing at this point in time, and the only time I'm able to get that is during the weekends. I've just gotta make sure I'm feeling fine, make sure I'm eating well, sleeping well, not to fall ill now. Grrr. I hate issues. Stay away from me.

Disney Dreams

I've been meaning to write this blog for a long time. Anne Leibovitz, a noted photographer who has taken some of the most beautiful pictures from the likes of John Lennon, Demi Moore and Nicole Kidman, joined with Disney to produce a series of famous Disney characters played by famous people. This project of hers started back last year, and so far she has built a great portfolio of some of the childhood idols, like Prince Charming, Cinderella and Snow White.

These were the first few to come out:

Beyonce as Alice; Lyle Lovett as March Hare; Oliver Platt as the Mad Hatter

Scarlett Johansson as Cinderella

David Beckham as Prince Charming

And later on the other series were these:

Rachel Weisz as Snow White

Julie Andrews as Fairy Godmother; Abigail Breslin as Fira (from Disney Fairies)

Roger Federer as King Arthur

These pictures came out this year, and so far all of them have captured the Disney magic:

Gisele Bundchen as Wendy; Mikhail Baryshnikov as Peter Pan; Tina Fey as Tinkerbell


Jessica Biel as Pocahontas

Marc Anthony as Aladdin; Jennifer Lopez as Princess Jasmine

Whoopi Goldberg as the Genie

Recently I managed to browse through the Internet, only to find this other one. Was so glad that it was once again another one of the pictures that were to be added on to the collection. It starred Michael Phelps as a merman and Julianne Moore as Ariel.

I love her work, and it's a shame these pictures are not sold commercially, otherwise I would have purchased a whole set of them. Most of all, it's difficult not being able to follow up on the latest pictures, I can't seem to see any new updates on the website it used to be in. So hopefully fingers crossed, I'll be able to get all of them once this project is complete. As for now, I'll be happy to look at them on the desktop every day.

Swap Mania

The past two weeks of work has been very eventful. Not only for me, but for other trainees in Pulse Pharmacy who decided to do a swap with each other to have a feel for a different store and see how they operate. I decided on going to Lily's store at Southland, Cheltenham which was the closest for me. Lily shall then go to the other store at Riversdale Rd in Camberwell. Wooi Lynn, who's the intern there, shall come to Mornington. Amongst the three of us, this plan went well. It went very well for Wooi Lynn and I because she was going to drive down to Frankston and live in my little home for the two weeks whilst she travels to Mornington. My experience began in Southland as somewhat awkward, and to me, the staff generally weren't that friendly. But the standout for me being there was the boss. He was a young Malaysian, and overall, he appeared as a typical Malaysian, with all his funny antics. But my time at Southland came to an end for just a week when I was told that Lily was wanted back at her store because he was away and he needed a familiar face to show the locum around. Which then left me two options:

1. I could decide to be at Riversdale Rd, which means the hassle of travelling around from Frankston to Richmond, and then another train to Camberwell. And I'll be doing this for five days, and means coming home late and having dinner late and by the time I get to bed.. well there isn't much time.
   
2. Wooi Lynn and I would just cancel the whole swap program amongst ourselves and go back to our respective stores. Which means all the careful planning of what to eat and where to go and the Pfizer talk which I had organised to have us both attend in Mornington would be all a waste.

Either choice, it was a little upsetting. However after thinking it through, it would be nothing but a plus point for me, having to experience different stores. I now have experience from two stores, not just one as planned. What even motivated me to go there was the podiatrist who works in Wooi Lynn's store. I have been meaning to see one, considering I have bad feet (which after having a consultation with Peter, the podiatrist, he says I have a fairly good walk!) and my leg's been killing me recently. So I've decided to go with option number 1. And I've not regretted that decision now. The staff, even though it's just that few, it's been great to talk to them, and in contrast to the other store, they're much more friendly. What's good is that over the past two weeks I get to see other types of people and personalities not only staff, but also the community as well (after getting yelled at by old hags over the phone and a man in the store for being dodgy *rolls eyes*). But what I liked about the two weeks is that I managed to do other things which I normally don't in Mornington - sorting claim, ordering (which has been helpful to me) and closing the store in Riversdale Rd which I have never done before. The best bit about it was my last day in Camberwell on Friday as I entered, Georgia (Wooi Lynn's preceptor) said that I was required elsewhere. It gave me a shock as I thought if I might be needed back in Mornington and I had to travel another two hours back! Turns out that I had to go to Burke Rd for a few hours as there were not enough staff in the dispensary. It sounded like a great opportunity to have a feel of what the dispensary is like as it has always been hyped up as "busy". Turns out, it really was busy! I had the liberty of meeting the pharmacist, Jo who seemed to be so, so nice. And really, I was there like a dispensing tech. I had dispensed all the time without much contact with customers as Jo had to do more of the PR stuff with her regulars. The dispensary is a plus point however, being really a small dispensary and it's below the medical centre which is upstairs, it carries a lot of stock and I suppose there is no reason for shortage. But the people kept coming God knows where from, and I was kept busy for the next two to three hours. To sum up my experience over the past two weeks, it gave me perspective. Not only perspective, it gave me some inspiration to be able to be a good pharmacist. Added on was a good discussion with Wooi Lynn over the future prospects and hers (which I shall write more later) and about Pulse Pharmacy in general.

Wooi Lynn had enjoyed her time in Frankston. Frankston being supposedly notorious for the used-to-be druggies roaming about seemed like the past. It is different, and that gave her perspective. Not only that, but her time in Mornington seemed relaxing, compared to the amount of work she had to do when she was in Riversdale Rd. The people, she described, were kinder and more willing to take the time and listen compared to the usual people where English is not their first language or people who just want to be in the chemist and out as soon as possible. Her funny and hilarious stories about working there was really what I hoped for. The dispensary has been too serious recently, and there isn't much fun to it. Having her there stirred them a little with her "tailan-ness" and hopefully brought some life into their daily mundane job. But she also realised that reality doesn't run away from a store that far away from the metropolitan area. She also enjoyed the food that we have been having over the past two weeks, which was a pleasant thing. Over the weekend, we got Hen Yick to come down and just to travel around if possible since Wooi Lynn had a car. Those road trips were as crazy as it could be, and it has been a little damper with the lousy weather. Yet we managed to cram in as much as we can with little daylight time and just dawdling about :) We got to Phillip Island after my Sunday shift at work with little time left to spend, as most of the spots were closing. This happens to be a chocolate factory which I was unaware of...

Guess the pictures described it all. Then later on we went to the Nobbies, which was once again a nice sightseeing lookout which I didn't get to see the last time I went to Phillip Island back in 2005.

NB: Hen Yick tried to be a superhero by wearing so little, only to freeze here as seen in picture

That was the gist of the weekend. We tried Arthurs Seat the day before, only to be drenched by rain and it was bad weather overall. Even as we were perched on the cliff, we could see the rain coming... and a bigger storm coming nearby =P

Could see the rain from the ocean coming over to land...

!!!!!

Overall it has been a great time. We thought we could do more with the trip, but we're just lazy and exhausted from work to be able to wake up earlier to do more things. But it was enjoyable. Hopefully I'll be able to give the same hospitality to others next time when they come. That's all for now!

Perth Trip 2

The other part of my Perth trip is to give Evelyn a surprise. I had not told her anything about my upcoming trip, and hopefully that would give her a surprise. But the difficult bit about the whole planning was so that she doesn't know and that I can "ambush" her by finding out if she's at home or not. Finally after careful planning and Boon Choo's idea of finding the place in the daytime before sunsets and you can't see a thing, we planned it on a weekend to say hello. The idea was going to be perfect... when I started calling on her mobile and casually asking her what is she doing, I was about to surprise her when I said I was going to visit a friend which I haven't seen in a long while until her intercom DID NOT work. Guess how frustrated I was. It was all perfect until this moment. So I blabbed out that I was here in Perth. Her face clearly showed that she couldn't believe that I surprised her so well. It is my personal achievement of being able to surprise someone so well too, so I felt good about it, haha. I got to see her apartment that she was going to share with her other housemates and to see her mum too, who was spending her last night with Evelyn before going back to Malaysia the next day. In total, I spent about three nights with Evelyn in Perth. We decided on sightseeing for a day, only to have it pouring cats and dogs. We first went to the Margaret River Chocolate Company, which basically makes real good chocolate...

And then to grab a bottle of wine from a good winery...

Next was going to be a visit to another winery, only to find out that it was closed. Boo hoo

Finally we thought we were not going to make any further progress, so we ended up going back and watching Get Smart. It Mr Bean was hilarious, this could probably go well in hand as "lame-funny". Steve Carrell and Anne Hathaway did quite a splendid job, but overall I find these films don't really sit on my DVD shelf when it comes out. I'm eyeing for other DVDs though... then at night it was a karaoke session with her and her coursemates, Nadia and Arthur, which I haven't seen in person. The last night that we met up was for a nice dinner at a lovely Italian restaurant called Ciao Italia. It had a very nice and warm feel about it. Located just by the corner of some crossroad, it was frequented by locals and people all around, because the food is really, really good! Evelyn and I happen to be there when it was hailing and raining at the same time. It was freezing which didn't make things better as we stood outside the restaurant waiting for our table to come after about 20 minutes. But it was all worth the wait as we sat for dinner and happily talked the whole time. The waiters were very friendly, and one happily showed off his Malay to us by asking "Apa khabar?".

Overall, I was very glad that Evelyn had the time to spend going out with me despite having her lectures and her GP placements and then I came along. I really miss her, and really having a best friend doesn't make you feel lonely, especially being in Frankston alone and wishing you have someone to talk to. I know I'll be seeing her very soon, I just have to be patient.

As for my cousin, I've been so glad that she had actually sponsored a large proportion of this holiday of mine. For that I would be so grateful to her. Even now when I'm back to work, I can feel that the holiday had done me good (although my pay for the second half hasn't been what I wanted, on a tight budget now!!!), I know that I'm in for a busy time for the next few weeks as the oral exam looms ahead. I'm still worried for my aunt's health, and hopefully she'll always be as glowing as she always is. It's the little things like spending time with my nephews and cousins and the different lifestyle in Perth that draws me there. That would definitely be something to think of. We'll see. I loved this holiday. =)